2017小升初英文写作——优秀作文精析

概要：表现，分别对一篇漫画考题的高、低分实考样卷进行评判打分，然后“对症下药”、“量体裁衣”，才有出奇的效果啊！Aseverythreadofgoldisvaluable,soeverymomentoftime.一寸光阴一寸金。作文实例Directions:Studythefollowingdrawingcarefullyandwriteanessayinwhichyoushould终点又是新起点1)describethedrawing,2)interpretitsmeaning,and3)supportyourviewwithexample.Youshouldwriteabout200wordsneatlyonANSWERSHEET2.(20points)高分作文Thecartoondepictsavividpictureinwhichanathlete,drippingsweat,isrushingtotheend.Obviously,hewinsthematch,butthisisnotthekeymessageconveyedbythepicture.Themoststrikingfeatureofthedrawingisthatthesamelineismarkedasboth“thestart”and“theend”,whichindicatesthatalthoughtheathletecam

【编者按】多少年来，大家一直都是在当学生写作文，今天就换一个角色，当一回老师判作文，这可绝非仅仅寻求感觉的刺激！最重要的是，我们要用上面讲的高分作文的评判标准和差作文的劣迹表现，分别对一篇漫画考题的高、低分实考样卷进行评判打分，然后“对症下药”、“量体裁衣”，才有出奇的效果啊！

2012小升初英文写作——优秀作文精析

多少年来，大家一直都是在当学生写作文，今天就换一个角色，当一回老师判作文，这可绝非仅仅寻求感觉的刺激！最重要的是，我们要用上面讲的高分作文的评判标准和差作文的劣迹表现，分别对一篇漫画考题的高、低分实考样卷进行评判打分，然后“对症下药”、“量体裁衣”，才有出奇的效果啊！

Aseverythreadofgoldisvaluable,soeverymomentoftime.

一寸光阴一寸金。

作文实例

Directions:

Studythefollowingdrawingcarefullyandwriteanessayinwhichyoushould

终点又是新起点

1)describethedrawing,

2)interpretitsmeaning,and

3)supportyourviewwithexample.

Youshouldwriteabout200wordsneatlyonANSWERSHEET2.(20points)

高分作文

Thecartoondepictsavividpictureinwhichanathlete,drippingsweat,isrushingtotheend.Obviously,hewinsthematch,butthisisnotthekeymessageconveyedbythepicture.Themoststrikingfeatureofthedrawingisthatthesamelineismarkedasboth“thestart”and“theend”,whichindicatesthatalthoughtheathletecametothefinish,anewraceiswaitingforhim.

Theideaconveyedbythecartoonisapparent:theendisanewstart.Itiswidelyacceptedthatweshouldnotbesatisfiedwiththepresentachievement,fornowadaysnewchallengesandcompetitionneverstop.Themarketeconomyandcompetitivesocietydrivesmanypeoplestudyinghardforhigheracademicdegrees,someofthemevenseekingtheopportunitiestostudyabroad.Weshouldsparenoeffortsimprovingourselves,masterhightechnologyandprofessionalskills.Thenwecanmakeuseofittodevoteourselvestosociety.

Takemyfatherasanexample.Hewasdeniedhighereducationforhistoricalreasons.Butbyself?studyhebecameatechnicianinafactory.Manypeoplethoughthewascontent.Butheneverstoppedstudying.Hetookcoursesoflawinhissparetime.Laterhebecamealawyer.“Thefinishingpointisjustanewstartingpoint”,hesaidtome.（219words）

该文在阅卷中获得18分（满分20分）的好成绩，是有原因的。内容切题，表达清楚，语义连贯，最大的特点是句式富有变化，基本功扎实。文章的第一句，作者就用了定语从句、分词结构两种形式，使阅卷人眼前一亮，接下来分析图画的寓意，也很简洁到位。最后一段的举例也是一个亮点，运用父亲不断学习的事例来进一步论证观点，具体而贴切，不落俗套。另外，句子结构和用词正确，但也有个别错误，如上文第二段标出的“master”与“improve”并列，应用“mastering”的形式，但毕竟“瑕不掩瑜”。

低分作文

Allthingsintheirbeingaregoodforsomething.

天生我才必有用。Theplaceofendpointisalsothestartingpoint.Fromthepicture,wecanseeayoungmanwhoisrunningtowardtheendpoint,it?sveryclearlytoshowthateveryoneofusmusteffortandcan?tstopfortheaimofusinthefiercecompetitionsociety.Asweallknow,firstly,ayoungmanwhostudyandworkinthemodernsocietyneedhaveaspiritoftostudyhardandactivity,tokeepagoodsituationandposition.

Forinstance,thisyearismyninthyearafterwhenIgraduated,afternineyears,I?malwaysfellingneedtocontinuestudytoimprovemyknowledgeofmajor.because,thissocietydevelopingissorapidly,ifIcan?tcatchmoreknowledgeofnowaboutmymajor,Iwillcan?tkeepthecontinousdevelopingsociety.SoIthink,personally,It?slikethesportmanofthepicturethatonlycontinuetorunandefforttowardtheplaceofendpoint,thatisnecessarytoyoungpeopleinthesociety.

Insummary,myfinalconclusionisonlytocontinuerunningtowardendplaceandtheplaceisalsoanewstatingforanotheraim,onlyso.It?saspiritofallyoungpeople.althoughtheroadisveryhardship.butthisisveryimportanttous.(216words)

这篇文章得分6分，远远低于及格分12分，可能作者还有点“委屈”，“我的字数也符合要求，也是三段，也有举例，也有分析，为什么这么不公平呢？”其实，文章虽然基本包括了题目所要求的内容，但条理不清，语言错误很多，其中很多是严重的错误，如文中用黑体标记出的地方。

怎么样？通过对漫画考题的高、低分实考样卷进行研读，你是不是对自己的作文档次有了一个初步的估计？对自己今后在写作方面的发展方向有了一个清楚的认识？能做到这一点，你今天的学习就达标了。